We all know the story of the Rabbit and Tortoise. The rabbit was over-confident and slept off. The tortoise went steady, though slow and won the race. There is a popular extension to this. They ran again. The rabbit did not rest and won the race. The supporters of the tortoise claimed that the race was not fair because land was not the natural habitat of tortoise. So, the race was conducted in a pond. Obviously, the rabbit lost and the tortoise won. The supporters of the rabbit felt cheated. To be fair, they wanted half the race on land and half in water. They ran the race. Though they completed the race, their performance was no where near if it had been only in their natural habitat.
By now, the rabbit and the tortoise had become friends. They struck with a different plan. Together, they would try to run the race. The rabbit would carry the tortoise on land and the tortoise would carry the rabbit in water. They ran several rounds and learnt to do it very efficiently in record time.
Initially, the rabbit and the tortoise competed with each other. Later, they collaborated together and competed against the environment. They achieved a level of success when they collaborated, which would not have been possible if they competed. This happens always in life.
I had to stay a night in a popular hotel. In the morning, I wanted to make some tea. I found that the electric kettle was not turning on. I informed the housekeeping people. They came and tried. They could not fix it. They looked for a spare kettle. They did not have. Finally, they exchanged it with the one in an unoccupied room. I got to make my tea. All along, I helped them to test the kettle, etc. If I had chosen to take a position of “I vs You”, I would have jumped up and down, yelled, insulted with words, slandered on social media, etc. None of these would have helped solve the problem. I chose the position of “We have a problem to solve”. I helped them solve the problem. I got my tea in time.
In several situations in life, we tend to take an “I vs You” approach. That never helps solve the problem. We would actually be putting more hurdles and discouraging the very people who are trying to solve the problem for us. Every time you are interacting with people – spouse, children, parents, students, teachers, vendors, customers, government, neighbours, friends, relatives, employees, employer – everywhere take one step back and see if you are operating from “I vs You” or “We” position. Consciously switch to “We”, if you are not already in that position. Also, help the other person to switch to “We”, if that person is not already in that position. See how easily problems get solved when you do this. It would be almost like magic. And it would make life so much more peaceful and enjoyable.
Always collaborate instead of competing. You may ask, “Is it always possible? Say for example, when appearing for a competitive examination, shouldn’t I compete?” I gave it a thought. Even this can be converted into a collaboration. Collaborate with the Test Agency and the other participants to find where each participant stands. The objective is to truly calibrate and measure the competency of all the participants. Your duty is to do your best. If you did not put your best, you are not collaborating. And, you have no ill-will against any of the other participants. Same is the case even when competing in the market. Collaborate with the system to get all the vendors their deserving customers, including yourself.
Another question you may ask is, “If the other person is holding on to ‘I vs You’ with me, how do I get that person to think ‘We’?” We all take positions about situations. The positions may often be conflicting. If we dig deeper into the actual interests and goals that we want to get fulfilled, in most of the cases, the goals will not be conflicting. So, if a person is taking a “I vs You” position against us, we need to keep aside our interests for a while, empathize with the person, and try to understand what exactly that person wants to achieve and why. When we have a clear understanding of the interests and goals of that person, we will be able to find a way to help that person achieve the goal, without conflicting with our goal. For example, if two people are waiting for a long time for a cab and finally a cab comes that way, both might want to take it. If they discuss about where they want to go and for what reason, they may be able to find that both can share the cab to a place where another cab can be easily got.
Think about it. Always collaborate and never compete.